Life is full of lessons, an ongoing masterclass in the human condition. Show
One lesson common to humanity is how to negotiate conflict skillfully. In a keynote speech to graduate students in conflict analysis, international mediator Kenneth Cloke (2011) made a profound statement that has stayed with me to this day: “Conflict is the arrow pointing to what we need to learn the most.” Interpersonal skills such as conflict resolution extend beyond social circles, affecting the workplace and illuminating lessons yet to be learned. American businesses lose $359 billion yearly due to unresolved conflict and low productivity (Kauth, 2020). The physical, emotional, psychological, and interpersonal tolls are incalculable. Can we seek a better understanding of conflict and transform its devastating effects? Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free. These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients build healthy, life-enriching relationships. This Article Contains:
What Is Conflict Resolution & Why Is It Important?Pruitt and Kim (2004, pp. 7–8) describe conflict as “perceived divergence of interest, a belief that the parties’ current aspirations are incompatible.” Conflict resolution is an agreement reached when all or most of the issues of contention are cleared up (Pruitt & Kim, 2004). Further, conflict management is a product of successful problem-solving in which the parties have worked out ways to de-escalate conflict and avoid future escalations. Conflict can be disruptive and, at worst, destructive. Once it erupts, it’s hard to control (Bolton, 1986). Emotions run high during conflict, blocking the path to rational solutions. Conflict resolution is important because “when people experience conflicts, much of their energy goes into emotions related to those conflicts” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011, p. 2). Some emotions commonly associated with conflict include fear, anger, distrust, rejection, defensiveness, hopelessness, resentment, and stress (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011; Bolton, 1986). Another reason conflict resolution is important is because people involved in heavily contentious conflict are likely to experience “a wide range of psychological and physical health problems including weakened immune system, depression, alcoholism, and eating disorders” (Pruitt & Kim, 2004, pp. 11–12). Clearly, languishing in this state of emotional upheaval and chaos is harmful emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Conflict resolution: A theoretical frameworkRealistic conflict theory assumes “conflict can always be explained by some tangible (like territory, money, prizes) or intangible (like power, prestige, honor) resource that is desired by both groups and is in short supply” (Pruitt & Kim, 2004, pp. 28–29). This theory attempts to explain why conflict occurs as humans perpetually strive to acquire perceived needs. 5 Psychological Benefits of Conflict ResolutionWhen emotions run high, stress ensues and rational problem-solving is at risk.Cortisol released because of ongoing stress soaks the brain’s nerve cells, causing memories to shrink (Leaf, 2008). This affects the ability to think creatively, a helpful component for resolution. In addition, the stress response increases blood sugar levels, speeding up our heart rate to pump blood to our arms, legs, and brain in preparation to escape (Leaf, 2008). This physiological fight-or-flight reaction saps precious energy. Dealing with emotions first will help reduce emotional arousal and stress. Once the body returns to normal, rational problem-solving skills can resume. Typically, people get into trouble when they address conflict at the peak of emotional arousal. For this reason, acknowledge that the issue needs to be addressed but wait until emotions subside before engaging in a discussion. This ensures the issue is not ignored. In other words, conflict can be scheduled. Some psychological benefits of conflict resolution include (Arslan, Hamarta, & Usla, 2010; Sexton & Orchard, 2016; Bolton, 1986):
Let’s take a quick look at two of the most common benefits. Improved self-efficacySelf-efficacy is a person’s belief in their capability to complete a specific task successfully (Lunenburg, 2011). Learning and practicing skills such as effective communication and conflict resolution are essential building blocks for self-efficacy. Successful conflict resolution skills in the workplace increase confidence, promoting the likelihood of future successes (Lunenburg, 2011). Increased self-efficacy “influences the tasks employees choose to learn and the goals they set for themselves” (Lunenburg, 2011, p. 1). It also influences employees’ efforts and perseverance when taking on and learning new tasks (Lunenburg, 2011). Increased energySometimes you have to expend energy to gain energy. Conflict robs individuals and organizations of precious energy. Mastering conflict resolution skills takes energy initially but can save energy in the long run through reduced stress and improved relationships and productivity. 7 Examples of Conflict Resolution SkillsTo reap the benefits of resolving conflict, certain helpful skills must be applied, and there are many conflict resolution skills that are effective for the workplace. Below are skills believed to be crucial for resolving conflict. 1. Self-awarenessSelf-awareness is described by Goleman (1995, p. 43) as “recognizing a feeling as it happens.” Goleman states that people with high self-awareness have moment-to-moment awareness and navigate life adeptly. 2. Self-controlSelf-control is the ability to manage unruly impulses and emotions effectively. Because emotions play a central role in conflict, the ability to stay composed despite heightened emotions is essential to constructive resolution. 3. Assertive communicationBolton (1986) describes assertive communication as a dynamic communication style in which the speaker maintains self-respect, expresses personal needs, and defends their own rights without abusing or dominating others. While an aggressive communication style may shut down a conversation, assertiveness encourages dialogue. This skill takes practice and courage. Bolton (1986) asserts that less than 5% of the population communicates assertively. 4. CollaborationAccording to Folger, Poole, and Stutman (2009), the goal of collaboration is to consider all the important needs of the primary parties and develop a solution that meets these needs. 5. Problem-solvingProblem-solving in relation to conflict resolution is a strategy that pursues alternative solutions that satisfy the needs and goals of the parties involved (Pruitt & Kim, 2004). 6. EmpathyAccording to Sorensen (2017), empathy is the ability to share and understand the emotions and feelings of others. Our understanding of another person’s perspective can increase the likelihood of emotional connection and collaboration. 7. ListeningActive listening is one of the most underrated and underutilized conflict resolution skills. Listening during conflict achieves key goals, primarily putting an end to cyclical arguing and opening the door to empathy and understanding. How to Do Conflict Resolution: 2 ApproachesBolton (1986) provides simple frameworks for conflict resolution and collaborative problem-solving, and outlines the contexts for applying each.The conflict resolution methodThis simple, three-step formula for conflict resolution works well for conflicts involving values and intense emotions. Step 1: Engage with the other respectfullyRespect is an attitude shown through specific behaviors, such as how you look at the other person, how you listen, your tone of voice, and word choices. Step 2: Listen fully until you experience their sideThe goal of listening in this manner is to understand the content of the other person’s ideas or contributions, what it means for them, and their feelings about it. Step 3: Verbalize your feelings, views, and needsAssertive communication works well in this stage. Some caveats accompany this stage of conflict resolution:
Collaborative problem-solvingBolton (1986) provides a six-step outline for collaboration when the issue is more about needs than emotions.
The conflict resolution method and collaborative problem-solving are generalized approaches to conflict resolution when two or more parties are willing to work together on an issue. 6 Methods and Approaches to Apply in the OfficeLipsky, Seeber, and Fincher (2003) provide approaches to work through issues that erupt in work settings. 1. The open door policyThis generalized philosophy is intended to show that management supports open dialogue and encourages staff to discuss differences that arise in the workplace. It is considered an initial step toward conflict resolution. 2. OmbudspersonsThese are neutral or impartial managers who provide informal and confidential assistance to staff and management in order to resolve work-related disputes. Ombudspersons may wear a variety of hats, including mediator, fact-finder, consultant, and change agent. 3. Internal peer mediationSome organizations call on designated employees as mediators to help resolve conflict. This method often addresses issues of a non-statutory nature, such as unfairness. The success of this method rests on the careful selection of peer mediators based on their exemplary communication skills and abilities. 4. Professional mediatorsProfessional mediators are not connected with the organization in any way and function as independent, impartial, third parties who assist the primary parties through a formal mediation process. Mediation is a viable option for creating structure to conflict resolution in an unbiased manner. 5. Peer review and employee appealsThis process is sometimes used by manufacturing organizations in an effort to avoid a union process. The underlying belief is that if at all possible, employee disputes should be resolved internally. 6. Executive panelsThis method provides an opportunity for employees to present their claims to a panel of the organization’s senior executives, assuming they will be objective and sympathetic. Using tools such as questionnaires, activities, and assessments can help employees work through conflict by adding insight and skills to the equation. Let’s look at some such tools. 6 Strategies and Techniques for the WorkplaceThe use of tools to steer and manage conflict can help provide a level of awareness of common issues confronted by teams.2 Tools for groupsOften, people haven’t been taught the skills to discuss issues calmly and productively. The following worksheets can be used to provide structure to conflict. Reviewing these worksheets before conflict erupts is a great opportunity to open a conversation and agree upon a conflict resolution process before matters spiral out of control. The Remaining Calm During Conflict – I worksheet helps clients walk through conflict, providing tips on how to perceive conflict and deal with emotional reactions. The Remaining Calm During Conflict – II worksheet encourages clients to journal about times when they did and did not remain calm during a workplace conflict. 2 Effective questionnairesThis self-assessment provided by CINERGY™ can be used to broaden the scope of awareness of ourselves and others, particularly during conflict. The assessment measures an individual’s current level of conflict intelligence. This Conflict Management Styles Assessment, made available by the Blake Group, allows clients to uncover their primary conflict style and includes a description of the five conflict management styles. A look at meditation for conflict resolutionThis video provides an insightful awareness of our own habitual patterns and how these manifest in us and others during conflict. Here is another recommended video that helps visualize how to prepare for conflict and build boundaries with others in a calm manner. Best Activities, Games, Workbooks, and Online ToolsThe Two Dollar GameThe Two Dollar Game was developed to help employees learn basic conflict styles and the art of negotiation in a fun, thoughtful way. Conflict Description TemplateThis conflict management template created by the University of Iowa is intended to deal with conflict in a university setting but can easily apply to other teams or departments and used as an intuitive conflict mapping guide. Coping With Stress in the Workplace Workbook by Ester Leutenberg and John LiptakThis workbook by Leutenberg and Liptak contains activities, assessments, journaling prompts, and educational handouts that can be photocopied and used to address conflict in the workplace. Chapters contain resources about how to deal with workplace stress, different personalities, work habits, and relationships. Online tools and resources for conflict resolutionThe website Online Master of Legal Studies includes a wealth of Free Tools and Resources for Conflict Resolution. Some resources have been incorporated into this blog. The wide variety of resources include a Cost of Conflict Calculator and tools to enhance cross-cultural communication. Role-play activityIn this Assertive Message Role-Play, participants are presented with various workplace scenarios and encouraged to formulate assertive messages to initiate a discussion about the problem at hand. Helpful Books for Managers and Organizations1. People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts – Robert BoltonSome books are classics. This one has been used for years to help guide individuals through the communication and conflict resolution process. It’s a great resource for anyone interested in building robust interpersonal skills. Find the book on Amazon. 2. The Big Book of Conflict Resolution Games: Quick, Effective Activities to Improve Communication, Trust and Collaboration – Mary ScannellThis is a useful resource for incorporating activities and games to help employees listen to each other, engage productively, and create a culture of respect. Topics include conflict, communication, diversity, trust, perspectives, emotional intelligence, and collaboration. Find the book on Amazon. 3. Emerging Systems for Managing Workplace Conflict – David Lipsky, Ronald Seeber, and Richard FincherThe authors walk readers through the emergence of conflict in the workplace by creating dispute resolution systems for integration in a corporate setting. This is a helpful resource for managers and corporate leaders interested in reducing the corporate costs of conflict. Find the book on Amazon. 4. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High – Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al SwitzlerCrucial Conversations is a New York Times bestseller that provides tools to traverse difficult and important conversations. Ideas discussed in this book can help transform your career, organization, and community. Readers learn how to listen and speak in ways that create safety and inclusion. Find the book on Amazon. Resources From PositivePsychology.com
The worksheet reviews eight essential skills for active listening and includes a reflection exercise to evaluate which skills we use effectively and which can be strengthened.
Trust is a crucial element of team stability and is essential when conflict erupts. In this exercise, one person leads a blindfolded partner using simple statements. As trust builds, the duo can be instructed to speed up, slow down, or attempt to lead with silence.
A Take-Home MessageConflict divides. The effects of poorly handled conflict range from disruptive to destructive. It robs individuals and organizations of precious resources, such as energy, productivity, peace, and harmony. Regardless of our station in life, we all still have lessons to learn. Will we ever be free of conflict? Perhaps we can look at it another way. As we gain skills and experience successes resolving conflict, we can anticipate the next conflict and the next lesson, mindful of the potential wisdom and strengths we’ll gain in the process. Are you facing an unresolved conflict at work or in your personal life? Try not to be discouraged; instead, think of it as your next life lesson waiting to be discovered. We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free.
What are the 5 methods of conflict resolution?This article outlines five different approaches to conflict management and the situations they are most appropriate for.. Accommodation. This is a lose/win situation. ... . Compromise. ... . Avoidance. ... . Competition. ... . Collaboration.. Which of the following would create an effective atmosphere for conflict resolution?Make sure there is enough time allowed and minimize distractions. Keep the needs of both parties in mind when scheduling the meeting. Make sure the time chosen works well for both of them and choose a neutral location. Remove any distractions so that both parties can concentrate on resolving the conflict.
How do you resolve conflict resolution?Some Ways to Resolve Conflicts. Talk directly. Assuming that there is no threat of physical violence, talk directly to the person with whom you have the problem. ... . Choose a good time. ... . Plan ahead. ... . Don't blame or name-call. ... . Give information. ... . Listen. ... . Show that you are listening. ... . Talk it all through.. What are the three major approaches to conflict resolution?Approaches to conflict management and resolution, as applied to these disputes, include bilateral and multilateral negotiation, mediation and arbitration.
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