While parenthood can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life, it may not be the ideal choice for everyone. Read on to find out why. Show Why is a parenting platform talking about those who choose to remain childfree? For those who are wondering this, our answer is: While parenthood can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life, it is something that should be entered into voluntarily, not out of social compulsions. When it comes to the life of a child, there can be no compromises... There was a sudden hush in the room. Aarti and Rohit had just told their close friends that they did not want to have children. "But why?" wailed Meera, a contented, if rather frazzled, mother of two young children. Rohit explained in a calm voice: "Both of us are busy with our careers. We also want to retain the freedom to pursue our interests - to read and travel, which we love doing. A child would change all that." Not having children - either by
choice or by circumstance - is no longer as unusual as it once was. However, it is still not an accepted choice. While couples who are childless by circumstance are commiserated with, couples who are childless by choice are looked at askance and disapproved of. They receive a variety of negative responses from confusion, to condescension, to condemnation. Why are such men and women judged harshly by others, including parents? Isn't it time society broadened its outlook to accommodate all kinds
of choices? THE REASONS BEHIND THE CHOICE
Women:
Absence of parental urge: Some women and men may not have the urge to become a parent. Laura Scott is the founder of the Childless by Choice Project and author of Two is Enough: A Couple's Guide to Living Childless by Choice. The project involved 171 voluntarily childless respondents, both men and women in US and Canada. Her findings were interesting. Only 41% of the respondents strongly identified with the statement: "My lifestyle/career is incompatible with parenthood". In comparison, 75% of women were strongly motivated to remain child-free because they "had no desire to have a child, no maternal instinct." Value for freedom: Couples may just be happy as a twosome, pursuing a carefree lifestyle by travelling, having spontaneous dates, and so on. For instance, Laura Scott said she had remained childless because she valued her freedom and wanted to do the things that she had dreamt of doing all her life. Rise of individualism: People may not be mentally prepared to shift focus from themselves as individuals to a child. Some may see this as self-centred. But it is usually a choice made after much reflection by two adults and points to a general rise in individualistic values. According to research published in Psychological Science in 2017, individualism is on the rise not just in Western countries but across the world. The DINK phenomenon: DINKs (Double Income No Kids) couples like Aarti and Rohit in the example above, may just not be ready to give up or sacrifice their ambitions and interests. And, having a child would mean giving up something, including a significant part of their disposable incomes. Job compulsions: Men with high-pressure jobs may feel they will not be able to give sufficient time or attention to a child. Women may hesitate to have a child as it may mean quitting their job and taking a few years' break. They might be worried about not getting a good enough job when they do return. Feminist ideology: Part of empowering women is giving them the autonomy to make decisions about their bodies, especially whether they want to be mothers or not. Financial reasons: Having and rearing a child is a big financial responsibility. Not all couples are financially secure enough to plan for a child. Fear of responsibility: Parenting is a lot of work, and entails sleep deprivation and stress. It requires commitment and the ability to love and care for another (dependent) individual consistently. Not everybody is ready to be responsible for another life for years to come. Self-doubt: Some men and women may have doubts about their parenting abilities. They may feel they don't have the patience or maturity required to be good parents. Relationship doubts: Some couples may decide not to have a child because they are uncertain about the stability of their relationship. A bad childhood: If a man or women has had an unhappy childhood as a result of parental strife or neglect (or some other reason), they may prefer to remain childless. They may not want to repeat the patterns their parents were caught up in. Environmental reasons: There is a growing belief that having a child may be bad for the planet as a growing population adds to the burden on speedily depleting resources. Film-maker Maxine Trump's 2018 documentary To Kid or Not to Kid investigates why women choose not to have children. According to her, 20% of women are making this choice, and climate change and an inability to find a suitable partner are top reasons for this decision. WHY NEGATIVE REACTIONS? Understanding and supporting all types of families can lead to positive outcomes for parents, non-parents, and children alike. A belief in 'natalism': Natalism promotes
child-bearing and parenthood as desirable for social reasons and to ensure the continuance of humanity. Then, there are those who subscribe to the view that the very rationale of marriage is having children and that the purpose of sex is procreation. Religious beliefs: Most religions place a high value on children and their central place in a marriage. Children are seen as 'gifts of God'. Those who are very religious may perceive it as wrong to reject the potential gifts. Negative stereotypes: Couples who are childless by choice are perceived to be lonelier, more materialistic, and even as people who disliked children. Women who don't want children may be seen to be selfish, immature, irresponsible or lazy. The envy factor: At times, the other side of the grass is seen as greener. Some parents may be envious of the freedom and carefree lives of those who are childless out of choice (also called 'child-free'). They may be seen to be leading easier lives without having to worry about nappies, school admissions, visits to the paediatrician, and teen troubles. Nothing in common: Parents may not find much in common with old friends who don't have children of their own. They may feel they can't share their own experiences and can't relate to the child-free. Their unease might make them defensive and they may conclude that their old friends are leading unnatural and unhealthy lives. EXPERT TAKE Q. Why do people judge couples who are childless by choice harshly? MILLENNIAL SPEAK While parenting can be a great joy, it is a role one has to take up voluntarily. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Realising this requires guts and self-knowledge. Some couples do realise this, and decide to remain childless. Isn't that better than if they had children out of social compulsions and then regret
it? In a nutshell
What you could do right away
About the author: About
the expert: Join our Circles to share, discuss, and learn from fellow parents and experts! Looking for expert tips and interesting articles on parenting? Subscribe now to our magazine. Connect with us on Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | YouTube Why are people choosing not to have children?Some are concerned about having children because of instability caused by climate change, political division and the COVID-19 pandemic. Others are concerned about the cost of child care, health care and education. And others are content being child-free and have no desire to have kids.
What are the advantages of a childless family?Three advantages of being childfree:. You have time for self-care and for other relationships. ... . You can dedicate your time to your career or to other interests that will help the world as a whole. ... . The world will be less crowded and resources less depleted.. What does childless marriage mean?Someone who is childless has no children. ... childless couples.
How many couples choose not having children?Just the two of us: 1 in 4 couples opt to never have kids - and are just as happy - Study Finds.
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